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Common causes of anxiety: problems of emotional remoteness and of too close relationship and sexual pleasure in causing pain COMMON CAUSES OF ANXIETY: PROBLEMS OF EMOTIONAL REMOTENESS AND OF TOO CLOSE RELATIONSHIP AND SEXUAL PLEASURE IN CAUSING PAIN
Because of their different personalities different individuals express their feelings of affection in varying degrees of emotional and physical closeness. The shy and inhibited introvert habitually defends himself by withdrawing from people. In the early stages of marriage he is simply unable to tolerate a very close relationship. If his partner is emotionally freer, and is not sensitive enough to perceive his need for emotional distance, she may produce extreme tension in the introvert by trying to come too close either emotionally or physically. On the other hand, if the introvert's partner allows their relationship to develop slowly and easily, he will mature and come to make freer patterns of response which at first would have been quite impossible.
Sexual Pleasure in Causing Pain-The sex act evokes a different mental attitude in the man to that in the woman. The man is active and in a way aggressive, while she is essentially passive and accepting. In men, being active and aggressive may become associated with sexual feelings; but in another way aggressive action is associated with fighting and inflicting pain. In this way sexual pleasure may become unconsciously associated with causing pain, a condition known as sadism. The man with mild sadistic tendencies is rough with his sexual partner, and likes to penetrate roughly and deeply as if to hurt her. Conversely the passive and receptive elements in the woman may be associated with the idea of being hurt. She comes to experience sexual pleasure in being caused pain in her sexual relations. This is known as masochism. If the husband has marked sadistic traits, and if the wife is lacking in the corresponding masochistic elements, there will be tension and anxiety. If on the other hand these attitudes are reversed in an unnatural way so that the woman has the sadistic tendencies, then the tension is likely to be so much the greater because it conflicts more acutely with the male personality.
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