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Common causes of anxiety: sexual problems of the shy adolescent COMMON CAUSES OF ANXIETY: SEXUAL PROBLEMS OF THE SHY ADOLESCENT
Some people make the various steps in sexual knowledge and experience from childhood to maturity much more easily than do others. In this respect the shy introvert typically has greater difficulties that his more robust extrovert contemporaries. The introvert, either boy or girl, is inclined to be timid and embarrassed by matters of sex. As a result he withdraws from it. His knowledge is incomplete, and his emotional and physical contacts with the other sex are limited. He tends to fill in the gaps in his knowledge by daydreaming. His uncertainties and perplexities are increased, and the general level of his anxiety remains high. Strange as it may seem, such a pattern established in adolescence may later persist through marriage.
In an attempt to put an end to his complicated feeling in the matter, the shy introvert not infrequently decides to have a sexual experience. This usually lacks any spontaneous naturalness, and is often preceded by much thought and determination to bring himself to do it. The whole matter is out of character with his general personality, and instead of making things better the experience almost always has the reverse effect. The tension which accompanies it makes it physically difficult, and the sensitivity of the introvert adds guilt to his anxiety. Experience in psychotherapy with young people shows quite clearly that the inhibited introvert of either sex is greatly helped by talking over these matters with an experienced physician or psychiatrist.
I recently had come to me a young woman who was very shy—very nice, attractive in her quiet way, well-mannered, but painfully shy. Her brother is a doctor, and her sister happily married. Her parents, successful and easy in company, were socially ambitious for the girl. But she was held back; she just could not be natural with people. Then with tears and great distress she told me how a boy had touched her sexually, but really quite innocently. "I can never forgive myself." Then when she had pulled herself together, "How do you know where to draw the line?"
This is a problem that we all must face. She is twenty, but so timid and shy that she draws the line too high. And in her present state this must necessarily be so. We must not forget that different people need different solutions to similar problems according to their individual personality.
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